Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize