my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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