apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
