Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
