He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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