you win again, gameday.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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