I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize