dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
