shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
