I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize