I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
