the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
