Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
