so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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