do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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