so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
