Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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