my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
