I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
