I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
