What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
