My nipple is on Facebook.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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