gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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