So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
