you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Success! We fucked roommates!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
