Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
