My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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