Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is Oprah even human
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
