the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
