Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
