He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
