have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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