Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
