It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
