I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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