Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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