During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
