I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
