i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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