I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
