so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I want a musical about memes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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