There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
