it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
