It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
