Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
