ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
