so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
