I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
