He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
