Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
