i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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