Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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