go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
