Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize