dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
