she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
