it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
