can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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