i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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