And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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