"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
