and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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