I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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