I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
