i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
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Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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