Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
