considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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