do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
