I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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