She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
