There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
