I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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