well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
