Swine flu. Run for my life!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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