Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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