Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
