the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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