This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
