Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize