hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
