God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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