Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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