Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
